chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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