4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
