I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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