Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
