I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
