I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
