I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
