Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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