you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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