I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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