his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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