I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
