What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
