I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
