It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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