Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
