I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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