Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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