Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
