**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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