after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Everyone says I win the strip club
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
