Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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