Your tits are I can't wait for
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
