I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
