i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
