Don't you send me to vm
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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