i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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