hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
