You just made me feel so damn special
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
