Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
