I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
