i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
