On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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