So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
