her vagina looked like bernie madoff
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
