he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
