I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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