just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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