He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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