When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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