ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
