Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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