Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
