So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
