The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
