I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
