she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
