I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
