Do you still have your period?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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