So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
