We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
