there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
