His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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