guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
