just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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