Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
