so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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